Douchelog

mmm...

2007-09-03T23:04:00.001-07:00

D The Sleepless on AIM

Angela: Yo

Mr. McUseless: 'ey niglet.

Angela: ha

Mr. McUseless: Guh, I have another PC I need to sell.

Angela: ?

Mr. McUseless: I built a new PC out of my friend's old parts after her upgrade.

Angela: Ah, I see
Angela: I start school tomorrow at Mesa College
Angela: I just got used to break

Mr. McUseless: Exciting.

Angela: haha

Angela: Yeah it'll be cool, I've been getting pretty lazy anyways I need to get back in the routine

Mr. McUseless: Hehe.

Angela: My recreation classes end this week, so I'll need something else to fill my time.

Mr. McUseless): Have you considered...penis?

(Conversation closed.)

(Days later...)
Mr. McUseless: 'ey, how's it goin'?

Angela: Hola
Angela: Going pretty good
Angela: Avoiding the drunks
Angela: that scream outside my house

Mr. McUseless: Well, you could chill here for a while.
Mr. McUseless: Wear a tank top and shorts, though, I have no air conditioning, just fans.

Angela: Nah, I got AC here, plus I gotta be in bed in like an hour.

Mr. McUseless: Hate you. :|
Mr. McUseless: And your air conditioning.
Mr. McUseless: And your comfort.

Angela: lol

Mr. McUseless: I'm sitting here in my Jason Voorhees boxers and marinating.

Oh... OK, then.

2007-08-20T10:07:00.001-07:00

nasalbreah: hi asl

Angela: no

nasalbreah: lets fuck

Angela: I have herpes
Angela: you want it?

nasalbreah: yes

Angela: I don't want YOUR herpes though

nasalbreah: k

Surely she shall be wooed by my array of insults...

2007-06-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

Maxelm

An email to a friend (from a 32/m to a 19/f):

"You are like a fucking giant. Ever fuck a leprechaun? That's from a Leguizamo show called "Freak" so don't get excited.

So you are like a whole lot to deal with, ey? Are you in Oregon now? LA? WTF make up your mind sasquatch.

Don't get offended.... I think you are pretty damn interesting..... though I would love to bone a woman your height.... I am actually a semi- decent guy....

Take care Yettie girl...."

Edit: What I love most about this is his "suave" attempt at slipping some flirting in at the last minute. "You're disgusting! But I'm a nice guy, so you should probably want to fuck me anyway."

Oh and PS: Unanimous votes have decided to start including screen names in these posts.

Well He's ALMOST 18...

2007-05-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

JailBait: i intend to be something
JailBait: i intend to go and work hard and
have fun
JailBait: considering im going to a
commuinity college then penn state
JailBait: i wanna work as ahrd as possible

Michelle: k

JailBait: so u dont fuck guys
JailBait: just girls?

Michelle: Where in my profile does it say I'm a
lesbian?

JailBait: ok
JailBait: well
JailBait: it says
JailBait: u prefer girls
JailBait: more than guys
JailBait: ya know

Michelle: I prefer women. But "prefer" doesn't
mean the exclusion of men.

JailBait: yes
JailBait: im still a virgin....
JailBait: it sucks

Michelle: Being a virgin doesn't suck.

JailBait: for me
JailBait: yes
JailBait: i wanna have sex
JailBait: so bad
JailBait: idk
JailBait: its my urge
JailBait: to do it

Michelle: Well, duh.
Michelle: You're human.
Michelle: We're biologically programmed to want
to procreate.

JailBait: yes
JailBait: true
JailBait: would u "procreate" with me

Michelle: psssh
Michelle: You wish, kiddo.

JailBait: yes i do
JailBait: thanks for being mean

Michelle: Ya know, if you ask a stranger to fuck,
they're gonna be mean.

JailBait: true

Michelle: I know you're young, but you should
have learned that one long ago.

JailBait: some have said yes
JailBait: lol

Michelle: Well apparently not, because you're still
a virgin.

JailBait: well they live in like texas
JailBait: and shit

Michelle: haha, that's why they said yes.
Michelle: Because they know you can't hold them
to their word.

JailBait: *** You've been KISSED! ***
JailBait: *** You've been KISSED! ***

...For a White Guy

2007-05-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

WhiteGuy: hi

Angela: Hello

WhiteGuy: hey whats goin on

Angela: Not much
Angela: just starting the day

WhiteGuy: yeah same here--any big plans?

Angela: gonna go shopping for some pants
Angela: since I basically have none to wear
Angela: I tend to wait until my clothes are destroyed sometimes

WhiteGuy: nice---or you could just be a nudist like m
WhiteGuy: me

Angela: haha
Angela: I was just noticing

WhiteGuy: just easier

Angela: haha
Angela: I actually dig wearing clothes though....

WhiteGuy: i like showing off

Angela: Nothing wrong with that

WhiteGuy: not many 9 1/2 inch white guys out there
WhiteGuy: are you into size?
WhiteGuy: did i lose ya?

Angela: *** Smacking ***

WhiteGuy: ?

Angela: *** Smacking ***

You're entitled to your opinion, just as I'm entitled to thinking you're a douche.

2007-05-06T16:59:00.000-07:00

A journal Post:

"judgemental/hippocritical
I got two things to say, one is that 90% of the chicks on the web are over judgemental, and 100% are hippocritical. Of course if you know me and my thoughts, that's not really a big insult, everyones judgemental and hippocritical, but I'm just trying to point some things out. First of all, I've tried every approach short of "nice tits, want to fuck" and I have yet to get a response, from anyone, about anything. I'm not writting people saying, look if you wanna date here's my number, no I'm writting people saying, hey, if you wanna chat, maybe find out if we have anything really in common other than some made up bullshit match scale, talk to me, maybe we'll enjoy talking to each other. Still no responses. Even if a hideous girl were to write me conversationally, I'd at least take the time to respond and find out if I could enjoy TALKING with them. Of course that doesn't even happen, chicks on the internet don't message guys, their too buseing being bombarded by the classic "nice tits want to fuck" guys, supposedly. But isn't it really easy to sort those guys out from the real people, I mean, if the guys 45, balding, and spends 90% of every conversation talking about physical features, *lightbulb*, there ya go. So cut us guys that are looking at your profiles, reading about you, finding a common interest, and working to build that or other common interests to see if some sort of friendship or other connection might be reached, a little slack. So moveing on to the hippocritical part. I have no problem gettings girls to talk to me in person, when I approach them. In fact, I tend to be very succesful, I'm just shy and only talk to girls that are through friends or work networks (because I don't like coming off as that cheesy, I'm trying to hit on you guy, every girl you talk to in public treats you like). You know the funny thing is, not to be self absorbed here, but I think looks have something to do with it. For women who say it's all about personality, if I have a bad picture up on my profile or I'm out dressed to shit it sure is hard to get the time of day (and I mean literally), but if I purty myself up, hmm, your more friendly. Okay some girls aren't being hippocritical cause they acknowledge looks are important blah blah, but nonetheless I'm still sick of hearing chicks bitch about guys without personality or character. I know a hundred guys with personality and character, 90 of em can't get laid for shit. My dumbass friends whoms idea of hitting on a chick is, "hey, your hot, you wanna come back to my place" well if they're good lucking it works. I don't want that would give in to that shit, cause I used to be that way, but I'm past that in my life, I believe anyways. If you're sitting there thinking "wow this guy bitches and moans alot", no, not really, I'm just bored of getting on this sight, wasting my time actually spending time trying to find quality girls I think I could get along with and talk to and messaging them and getting NO fucking response, not even a polite, "you sound like somoene I wouldn't get along with". Frankly, I've run out of what seems like decent girls on this sight, and apparently there wasn't a decent one among them to respond. So yeah, I'll bitch and moan, but what else am I gonna do, write YOU so you can ignore me, nah, I'd rather just write in this journal, that no one probably ever reads, and get the same response rate. The most important pat of this message though, is were not all jackasses/horndog/pigs. If we take the time to talk about something we both have in common, it's probably because we're looking to make more than just a physical connection, so tell us it's 10:37 pm, and feel free to talk about what you like, we're obviousely messaging you because we like what you like. Bon chance to all"

"=p"

2007-05-06T16:58:00.001-07:00

An email sent to a friend:

Subject: =p

"I know this doesn't matter anymore but i've had this on my mind for a while and just wanted to let it out, because recently for some reason i've been felling guilty about it. When we were together i cheated on you several times with different people. I think towards the end of our relationship it happened more because i remember telling you that i was going to tj with my parents but that never was the truth. I really don't know why i'm telling you this like two years later, i know it something you probably don't wanna hear. I guess maybe because i'm growing older and i realized how stupid i was in doing that. I just wanted to say i'm truly sorry for doing that and being a coward by keeping that from you. I'm just glad that we're both doing fine and that your happy."

I will IM EVERY girl. One will fall for my charms.

2007-05-05T11:14:00.000-07:00

Creep: how are ya

Michelle: Fine, how are you?

Creep: o.k. but single

Michelle: Cool

Creep: are you available
Creep: are you single

Michelle: ...Yes?

Creep: would you date a guy that you met online?

Michelle: No

Creep: give me a show if you get too know me

Michelle: You just told my friend (who is sitting
next to me) that she was hot.
Michelle: I am...not interested.

Creep: what is her name

Michelle: Have you messaged numerous girls
and told them they were hot recently?

Creep: no

Michelle: Then why do you need her name?

Creep: just tell me

Michelle: No
Michelle: You're a creep.

*** Creep's IC window is closed

...what?

2007-05-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

threesums: hi there how are ya

Danette: good

threesums hi
threesums: merry xmas
threesums: have you read my pro?
threesums: no yes?
threesums: how would you like a bf that enjoyed
you having
threesums with two men? no other girls involved
unless u wanted
threesums: u like?
threesums: yes or no?
*** threesums's IC window is closed

Corky the "down sindrom" Kid

2007-05-05T11:06:00.000-07:00

Corky: start your new year with a good
fuck!!

Danette: sounds good. ill make sure to set that up
with my boyfriend at once.

Corky: your girlfriend is cool but youe
boy,he might not like it if i stick him in the ass

Danette: youre assuming that youre invited.
Danette: or that any respectable girl would let you
get within 30 feet of her.

Corky: i'm cool we won't tell your boy
Corky: lets fuck no ques. asked

Danette: not even, "are you hideously ugly and
desperate?"

Corky: i acn send u a pic i don't care
Corky: u won't be disapointed

Danette: i already AM dissappointed. you opened
your mouth, remember?

Corky: i opened so u can open later

Danette: wow. youre disgusting. i bet being a
complete douchebag works REAL well in the ladies
department.

Corky: they don't complain once they meet
me

Danette: only before, during, and after

Corky: u need to meet me
Corky: you'll see

Danette: no.

Corky: looks like u have some gorgeous
tits!!
Corky: you're hot!!
Corky: how big are they

Danette: i know. thats why i have a hot amazing
boyfriend.
Danette: do you have some sort of mental issue that
prevents you from understanding me?

Corky: u can do way better
Corky: i mean way better

Danette: how would you know? did my boyfriend
reject you or something?

Corky: he looks like corky,the down
sindrom kid

Danette: right. youre totally winning my heart now.
particularly with your intense grasp of spelling and
the english language

*** Corky's IC window is closed

I MUST KNOW WHO YOU LOVE NOW OR I WILL DIE

2007-04-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I don't normally talk about sexuality with people who aren't close friends or significant others, but I recently posted a blog about how bisexuality isn't taken seriously. This was one of the emails conversations I had in response:

First off, here's this guy's profile:

What I'm Doing With My Life:
I am a college student working toward a dual degree of Electrical Enginnering/Computer Science. So I will have two degrees! I have a 4.0 so far, and I don't intend for that to change. I also lift weights pretty seriously. I do good at these things because I know they are hard work, they take time, and there are no quick fixes.

I'm Really Good At:
I love to create complex things. I am a great artist, and I like to draw, paint, sculpt, etc. Art!. I also like to write computer programs.

You should message me if:
You are cute. You are very smart. You can draw well. You have blue or green eyes.

--------------------------------------------------------

Him: men and women are so different.. how could you like both?

Me: Think about your ex girlfriends. Were they the same? Even the people I've dated of the same sex were nothing alike.

Also, I felt like noting, since you're so concerned with your intelligence on your profile, that it's not

"I do good at these things..."

but

"I do well at these things..."

Might as well correctly portray the genius you apparently are, right? ;)

Him: Crap you're right... I must have lived in Texas for too long. Yee-haw! Back to the question at hand... do you plan on finding one person to be with for the rest of your life? Which gender do you picture them to be? All of the girls i have been with have acted in one general way - feminine.

Me: I have no idea what gender I'll end up with. To me, that's sort of like saying "Well, what hair color do you feel you'll end up with? They're all so different." I don't really care as long as we're in love, really.

Him: Do you prefer the body of a man or the body of a woman? You only have two distinct choices there. Also, you cant tell me that a girl would make you feel safe and protected when you are walking down the street at night.

Me: I feel like I'm talking through time to someone in the 1950s. Most of the time, I'm walking down the street at night ALONE, so whether or not I have some big strong man to protect my apparently helpless self is sort of irrelevant.

And again, I have no preference about their body. My "ideal" man and "ideal" woman are equal in preference in my mind. You're exactly the type of person I was talking about in that journal entry. Not everything is black or white, one or the other.

Him: You seem to have ironed these ideas out thouroughly in your mind. That is exactly what it is- You have purposefully molded your own mind to think in this sort of idealistic way. Congratulations- you are the only person ever to like two things exactly equally. Nobody likes ANY two things exactly equally. Are you even willing to admit whether you like apples or oranges better? Or maybe you prefer oranges that think they are apples? Either you have a vagina, or a penis. ONE or the OTHER. By the way- You are a GIRL, and you ARE helpless. Ask a doctor, and then get into a fight with a man to prove it to yourself.

Me: I give up on you. I hope you never breed.

No Suga?!

2007-04-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

Older ones that I forgot... Sorry!

(This picture is definitely directly linked... so if it ever disappears, lemme know.)

Worthwhile quotes:
"Look, my friend Jose is on the way. So if we're gonna make it, we should make it now."

"Look at that ass, though! I mean, it's just CALLING to me!"

When I refused to kiss him:
"What?! No suga?!"

guides your hand to my erection...

2007-04-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

Alright, Phil and I get along. He's a nice guy when you're not dating him.

...but his dating practices make me want to vomit on a daily basis.

For the maintenance of my personal sanity: He's Douchlogged.

(...with screencaps, because you'd assume I was exaggerating if I typed it out.)

Take time to notice the "40 Pages" link at the bottom.

Most irritating part: He does this for HOURS every night, while simultaneously emailing his ex about how she's the only woman he's ever loved. Also while telling me that he "needs to stay up late" because he has "work to do." (Apparently because I'm both blind AND retarded? If I have to see "What are you wearing UNDER your tank and shorts?" while trying to do my homework EVER AGAIN...)

(Oh and PS: When he emailed his ex to tell her I broke up with him and that he was free again... he didn't say I broke up with him because he whores himself out to underage chicks he meets on the net... it was because *I* couldn't stand how OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE with *her* he was. She doesn't know the truth even now.)

Thank you. I feel a lot better now.

.

Remember him?

2007-04-12T23:29:00.000-07:00

Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***

Danette: hi

Overbearing: how r u
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***

Danette: fine. you?

Overbearing: good
Overbearing: whats up .... me relaxing at home
Overbearing: any luck .. have u dated anyone here

Danette: no

Overbearing: ok

Danette: do you forget that youve already talked to
me before every time you talk to me? or do you have
my sn saved? im actually curious.

Overbearing: may I ask ............ what u do

Danette: im a student
Danette: and i work at a restaurant.

Overbearing: ok
Overbearing: cool
Overbearing: did we talk today
Overbearing: when did we talked

Danette: no. but just about every time ive signed on
here, over the past 4 months, youve messaged me.
and always with lots of "kiss kiss kiss"es. and i
always tell you to stop kissing.
Danette: and ive definetly told you i have a
boyfriend, like, at least 5 times. and it says so on my
profile.

Overbearing:
Overbearing: love kissing but in real
Overbearing: over here for ur attentions

Danette: you said that same exact thing before,
also. i distinctly remember it because of the
grammar mistakes

Overbearing: :_0
Overbearing:
Overbearing: lets date

Danette: im pretty sure i asked you before if
english was your first language. its not, right?

Overbearing: ............... same thing again
Overbearing: no english is not my 1sy language
Overbearing: lets talk on phone
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***

Danette: no thank you.

Overbearing: why
Overbearing: why not . yes thanks in advance

Danette: because i have a boyfriend. like i've said
many times before. also, because you don't interest
me.

Overbearing: do u live together

Danette: yes
Danette: does that matter

Overbearing: no
Overbearing: hey got to go back to staudy

Danette: what a surprise.

Overbearing: talk to u later ....... bye

What a relief! No longer obligated to have that phone fun.

2007-04-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

OldMan: whats up

Michelle: 43?

OldMan: feel like having some phone fun
OldMan: so

Michelle: Even if I did... with you, no.

OldMan: thank god your weak any way

If you (yes you, reader) have EVER responded positively to a message like this... I quit life.

2007-04-12T14:28:00.000-07:00

Jason666: can i nut all over u right now?

Michelle: Does anyone ever respond positively to that... ever?

Jason666: u would be suprised

Still working on that first one, I take it...

2007-04-12T14:18:00.001-07:00

you speak other languages and your hot ....there for you are awsome ...HI

"The Body of a 20-Year-Old"

2006-12-25T20:58:00.000-08:00

Bodyof20: wow, wow, wow...you have awesome
cleavage

Michelle: You're a creepy...
Michelle: creepy dude.
Michelle: You're 47.. why are you even contacting me?
Michelle: Talking to 20 year old girls?
Michelle: Fucking pervert.

Bodyof20: sorry you feel that way...I'm probably
more considerate than most of the 20 year olds you
chat with

Michelle: Apparently not. You opened
conversation with a comment on my breasts.
Michelle: Which makes you a pervert, a creep,
and NOT more considerate than anyone.

Bodyof20: hmmm...I've got the body of a 20 year
old and the full frontal nudity pics are quite tastefull

Michelle: Ugh.
Michelle: You're disgusting.
Michelle: Don't talk to me.

Bodyof20: that's ok...don't like your attitude. you're
definitely not worth my time or I'm sure many other
guys' time. good luck to you

*****
EDIT: Email received the next day:
Bodyof20: bye bye loser....what a shitty attitude you have. go fuck yourself. It's the only sex you'll get for a long time. enjoy the finger.

"The Overbearing One"

2006-12-25T20:52:00.000-08:00

Overbearing: hi
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***

Danette: whoa whoa there

Overbearing: how r u?
Overbearing: James
Overbearing: and u??
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***

Danette: im feeling extremely assaulted
Danette: is how i am

Overbearing: why
Overbearing: I am sorry if U mind some thing

Danette: that little kiss feature is terrifying

Overbearing: ohh
Overbearing: love kissing but in real
Overbearing: over here just to get some attension
Overbearing: how r u doing today?

Danette: good

Overbearing: whats up .... me just came from tennis

Danette: just enjoying christmas w the fam

Overbearing: have you dated anyone on here?

Danette: no. i have a boyfriend

Overbearing: cool
Overbearing: do u need 2nd?

Danette: no, thank you. he's more than man enough
for me.

Overbearing: ok

Danette: thats why my profile says "interested in
friends" all over it

Overbearing: ok
Overbearing: really some girls keet two b\friends

Danette: doesn't that defeat the definition of
boyfriend?

Overbearing: may be
Overbearing: but mant do like that
Overbearing: do u live with ur b\friend

Danette: basically
Danette: does that make a difference?

Overbearing: just asking
Overbearing: got to go
Overbearing: take care

"The Safe Answer"

2006-12-23T22:33:00.000-08:00

SafeAnswer: hey, what's up? I just saw your profile, you're really hot

Michelle: Hi

SafeAnswer: hey
SafeAnswer: haha, sorry I know my first messagewas random
SafeAnswer: so, how are you?

Michelle: Tired, supposed to be packing... You?

SafeAnswer: haha, the safe answer would be pretty good

Michelle: The safe answer?

SafeAnswer: but the honest one is kind of horny

Michelle: Oh.

SafeAnswer: hah, well I can shut up about it before I say something like...well, I'd tell you what I'd do to you but you might block me

Michelle: Yeah, I probably would.

SafeAnswer: haha, ouch

Michelle: Hey man, you called it first.

SafeAnswer: haha

SafeAnswer: it might be worth the try though

Michelle: Does it ever work?

SafeAnswer: what work?

Michelle: Like, is any girl ever like "oo yeah tell me"

SafeAnswer: haha
SafeAnswer: I don't message people

Michelle: You messaged me

SafeAnswer: you caught my eye
SafeAnswer: I usually check if I have any messages in my inbox and log off

"The Naked Fun"

2006-12-23T22:28:00.000-08:00

NakedFun: hi

Michelle: Hi

NakedFun: i'm sean

Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle.
Michelle: What's up?

NakedFun: not a whoe lot
NakedFun: saw u on here
NakedFun: you're a cutey

Michelle: Thanks.

NakedFun: you're really cute

Michelle: Thanks.

NakedFun: you wanna get togeher tonight?
NakedFun: have some fun?

Michelle: Nah I've got things to do tonight.

NakedFun: does it work?

Michelle: Your webcam? Yes.

NakedFun: groovy
NakedFun: just got it with my comp
NakedFun: old one died
NakedFun: lol

Michelle: Neat.

NakedFun: you wanna get togehter after christmas
is over?
NakedFun: have some naked fun ;) ?

Michelle: Sorry... Can't say that I do.

NakedFun: alright
*** NakedFun's IC window is closed

"The Small Ego"

2006-12-23T22:06:00.000-08:00

SmallEgo (10:00:20 PM): heyyyyy

Michelle (10:00:23 PM): Hi

SmallEgo (10:00:32 PM): whats up gorgeous
SmallEgo (10:00:44 PM): what u doooin

Michelle (10:01:33 PM): Not much. Packing.

SmallEgo (10:01:44 PM): u buusy tonight?
SmallEgo (10:01:49 PM): cuuuz we should be kickign it
SmallEgo (10:01:49 PM): hehe

Michelle (10:01:55 PM): haha

SmallEgo (10:03:58 PM): seeee me?

Michelle (10:04:06 PM): Yep

SmallEgo (10:04:16 PM): what u think

Michelle (10:04:40 PM): Cool?
Michelle (10:04:42 PM): I guess?

SmallEgo (10:04:50 PM): lol
SmallEgo (10:04:55 PM): u dont think im attractive?

Michelle (10:05:11 PM): Well,
Michelle (10:05:13 PM): no.

SmallEgo (10:05:25 PM): ouch

Michelle (10:05:44 PM): Sorry dude. Not really my type.

SmallEgo (10:05:51 PM): k butch
SmallEgo (10:05:53 PM): bitch

Michelle (10:06:20 PM): See ya

"The Persistant One"

2006-12-23T21:45:00.000-08:00

Persistance: hey whats up how r u?

Michelle: Fine. Yourself?

Persistance: good waht r u doing tonight?

Michelle: Not much. Packing to go visit family. That's about it.

Persistance: ok so lets hang out. where do u live ill come get u?

Michelle: Nah dude, it's cool. I have to pack and clean before I leave tomorrow.

Persistance: clean at night?
Persistance: lol no seriously lets go

Michelle: Dude... No.

Persistance: so i don't wanna cancel my reservations for tonight, cause i've really been wanting to try this restaurant. go with me. give me a call 760-xxx-xxxx.

"The Oblivious-to-His-Age Dude"

2006-12-23T21:36:00.000-08:00

Hi! Hope your having a nice weekend!!! Mine has been pretty good. Do you have anything fun planned? This morning, I'm going to the beach for a couple of hours then stop for lunch downtown at the House of Blues. Tomorrow, I'll probably watch a few movies. After reading your profile, I decided to write and tell you a little about myself.

I'm 6ft 2in tall and have brown hair and blue eyes and live in San Diego. Some of the things I like to do include going to the movies, walking along the beach, listening to music, theater, restaurants, hiking, watching sports, cooking, visiting museums, and traveling.

I have been to Europe, driven up the coast to Carmel and Monterey, and over to Las Vegas a couple of times. Have you gone on any trips this year? You sound like a nice person and think we have similar interests so I hope you will write back to me. Talk with you later.

"The Tiny Penis"

2006-12-23T21:29:00.000-08:00

TinyPenis (6:26:11 PM): hi i sa wyou on FTJ wanna chat?

Michelle (6:26:37 PM): Sure.
Michelle (6:26:39 PM): What's up?

TinyPenis (6:26:51 PM): nm; im carpediemman on there
TinyPenis (6:26:57 PM): haivng a good night?
TinyPenis (6:27:27 PM): mines horrible lol

Michelle (6:27:44 PM): Why? What happened?

TinyPenis (6:28:01 PM): i traded nude pics with my friend, we were curiuos, and hes twice my size :(
TinyPenis (6:28:21 PM): so now im not sure if im small or hes just really big

Michelle (6:28:31 PM): Dude.
Michelle (6:28:32 PM): Gross.

TinyPenis (6:28:39 PM): will you give me an honest opinon? the pics include my face too

Michelle (6:29:00 PM): Yeah I'll give you the honest opinion that you're fucking gross.

"The Servant"

2006-12-23T21:22:00.000-08:00

Servant (8:38:24 PM): lol
Servant (8:38:26 PM): where u goin

Michelle (8:38:36 PM): Home to see family.
Michelle (8:38:41 PM): Just for a few days

Servant (8:38:53 PM): whats yur name
Servant (8:38:54 PM): im jim

Michelle (8:39:04 PM): I'm Michelle.

Servant (8:39:29 PM): Princess Michelle?
Servant (8:39:29 PM): lol

Michelle (8:39:41 PM): ...What?

Servant (8:39:48 PM): are u a princess?
Servant (8:39:49 PM): lol

Michelle (8:39:56 PM): No?

Servant (8:40:09 PM): can i bow to u anyway?

Michelle (8:40:14 PM): Sure.

Servant (8:40:40 PM): 'bows down at your feet
Servant (8:40:41 PM): lol
Servant (8:40:43 PM): they clean?

Michelle (8:40:46 PM): Not enough to kiss.

Servant (8:40:58 PM): how so?

Michelle (8:41:06 PM): Because I havn't been wearing shoes?

Servant (8:41:38 PM): lol
Servant (8:41:44 PM): got cute feet otherwise?

Michelle (8:42:19 PM): No.

Servant (8:42:54 PM): lol
Servant (8:43:01 PM): are u hiring a servant?

Greetings!

2006-12-23T21:20:00.000-08:00

Salutations, and welcome to Douchelog!

As many of you know, I put myself back onto the singles market as of a week or so ago.

This is my written proof that every man on earth is fucking retarded. (No offense, mentally handicapped people. Especially those of you who are female.)