"The Body of a 20-Year-Old"

Bodyof20: wow, wow, wow...you have awesome
cleavage

Michelle: You're a creepy...
Michelle: creepy dude.
Michelle: You're 47.. why are you even contacting me?
Michelle: Talking to 20 year old girls?
Michelle: Fucking pervert.

Bodyof20: sorry you feel that way...I'm probably
more considerate than most of the 20 year olds you
chat with

Michelle: Apparently not. You opened
conversation with a comment on my breasts.
Michelle: Which makes you a pervert, a creep,
and NOT more considerate than anyone.

Bodyof20: hmmm...I've got the body of a 20 year
old and the full frontal nudity pics are quite tastefull

Michelle: Ugh.
Michelle: You're disgusting.
Michelle: Don't talk to me.

Bodyof20: that's ok...don't like your attitude. you're
definitely not worth my time or I'm sure many other
guys' time. good luck to you

*****
EDIT: Email received the next day:
Bodyof20: bye bye loser....what a shitty attitude you have. go fuck yourself. It's the only sex you'll get for a long time. enjoy the finger.

"The Overbearing One"

Overbearing: hi
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***

Danette: whoa whoa there

Overbearing: how r u?
Overbearing: James
Overbearing: and u??
Overbearing: *** You've been KISSED! ***

Danette: im feeling extremely assaulted
Danette: is how i am

Overbearing: why
Overbearing: I am sorry if U mind some thing

Danette: that little kiss feature is terrifying

Overbearing: ohh
Overbearing: love kissing but in real
Overbearing: over here just to get some attension
Overbearing: how r u doing today?

Danette: good

Overbearing: whats up .... me just came from tennis

Danette: just enjoying christmas w the fam

Overbearing: have you dated anyone on here?

Danette: no. i have a boyfriend

Overbearing: cool
Overbearing: do u need 2nd?

Danette: no, thank you. he's more than man enough
for me.

Overbearing: ok

Danette: thats why my profile says "interested in
friends" all over it

Overbearing: ok
Overbearing: really some girls keet two b\friends

Danette: doesn't that defeat the definition of
boyfriend?

Overbearing: may be
Overbearing: but mant do like that
Overbearing: do u live with ur b\friend

Danette: basically
Danette: does that make a difference?

Overbearing: just asking
Overbearing: got to go
Overbearing: take care

"The Safe Answer"

SafeAnswer: hey, what's up? I just saw your profile, you're really hot

Michelle: Hi

SafeAnswer: hey
SafeAnswer: haha, sorry I know my first messagewas random
SafeAnswer: so, how are you?

Michelle: Tired, supposed to be packing... You?

SafeAnswer: haha, the safe answer would be pretty good

Michelle: The safe answer?

SafeAnswer: but the honest one is kind of horny

Michelle: Oh.

SafeAnswer: hah, well I can shut up about it before I say something like...well, I'd tell you what I'd do to you but you might block me

Michelle: Yeah, I probably would.

SafeAnswer: haha, ouch

Michelle: Hey man, you called it first.

SafeAnswer: haha

SafeAnswer: it might be worth the try though

Michelle: Does it ever work?

SafeAnswer: what work?

Michelle: Like, is any girl ever like "oo yeah tell me"

SafeAnswer: haha
SafeAnswer: I don't message people

Michelle: You messaged me

SafeAnswer: you caught my eye
SafeAnswer: I usually check if I have any messages in my inbox and log off

"The Naked Fun"

NakedFun: hi

Michelle: Hi

NakedFun: i'm sean

Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle.
Michelle: What's up?

NakedFun: not a whoe lot
NakedFun: saw u on here
NakedFun: you're a cutey

Michelle: Thanks.

NakedFun: you're really cute

Michelle: Thanks.

NakedFun: you wanna get togeher tonight?
NakedFun: have some fun?

Michelle: Nah I've got things to do tonight.

NakedFun: does it work?

Michelle: Your webcam? Yes.

NakedFun: groovy
NakedFun: just got it with my comp
NakedFun: old one died
NakedFun: lol

Michelle: Neat.

NakedFun: you wanna get togehter after christmas
is over?
NakedFun: have some naked fun ;) ?

Michelle: Sorry... Can't say that I do.

NakedFun: alright
*** NakedFun's IC window is closed

"The Small Ego"

SmallEgo (10:00:20 PM): heyyyyy

Michelle (10:00:23 PM): Hi

SmallEgo (10:00:32 PM): whats up gorgeous
SmallEgo (10:00:44 PM): what u doooin

Michelle (10:01:33 PM): Not much. Packing.

SmallEgo (10:01:44 PM): u buusy tonight?
SmallEgo (10:01:49 PM): cuuuz we should be kickign it
SmallEgo (10:01:49 PM): hehe

Michelle (10:01:55 PM): haha

SmallEgo (10:03:58 PM): seeee me?

Michelle (10:04:06 PM): Yep

SmallEgo (10:04:16 PM): what u think

Michelle (10:04:40 PM): Cool?
Michelle (10:04:42 PM): I guess?

SmallEgo (10:04:50 PM): lol
SmallEgo (10:04:55 PM): u dont think im attractive?

Michelle (10:05:11 PM): Well,
Michelle (10:05:13 PM): no.

SmallEgo (10:05:25 PM): ouch

Michelle (10:05:44 PM): Sorry dude. Not really my type.

SmallEgo (10:05:51 PM): k butch
SmallEgo (10:05:53 PM): bitch

Michelle (10:06:20 PM): See ya

"The Persistant One"

Persistance: hey whats up how r u?

Michelle: Fine. Yourself?

Persistance: good waht r u doing tonight?

Michelle: Not much. Packing to go visit family. That's about it.

Persistance: ok so lets hang out. where do u live ill come get u?

Michelle: Nah dude, it's cool. I have to pack and clean before I leave tomorrow.

Persistance: clean at night?
Persistance: lol no seriously lets go

Michelle: Dude... No.

Persistance: so i don't wanna cancel my reservations for tonight, cause i've really been wanting to try this restaurant. go with me. give me a call 760-xxx-xxxx.

"The Oblivious-to-His-Age Dude"

Hi! Hope your having a nice weekend!!! Mine has been pretty good. Do you have anything fun planned? This morning, I'm going to the beach for a couple of hours then stop for lunch downtown at the House of Blues. Tomorrow, I'll probably watch a few movies. After reading your profile, I decided to write and tell you a little about myself.

I'm 6ft 2in tall and have brown hair and blue eyes and live in San Diego. Some of the things I like to do include going to the movies, walking along the beach, listening to music, theater, restaurants, hiking, watching sports, cooking, visiting museums, and traveling.

I have been to Europe, driven up the coast to Carmel and Monterey, and over to Las Vegas a couple of times. Have you gone on any trips this year? You sound like a nice person and think we have similar interests so I hope you will write back to me. Talk with you later.

"The Tiny Penis"

TinyPenis (6:26:11 PM): hi i sa wyou on FTJ wanna chat?

Michelle (6:26:37 PM): Sure.
Michelle (6:26:39 PM): What's up?

TinyPenis (6:26:51 PM): nm; im carpediemman on there
TinyPenis (6:26:57 PM): haivng a good night?
TinyPenis (6:27:27 PM): mines horrible lol

Michelle (6:27:44 PM): Why? What happened?

TinyPenis (6:28:01 PM): i traded nude pics with my friend, we were curiuos, and hes twice my size :(
TinyPenis (6:28:21 PM): so now im not sure if im small or hes just really big

Michelle (6:28:31 PM): Dude.
Michelle (6:28:32 PM): Gross.

TinyPenis (6:28:39 PM): will you give me an honest opinon? the pics include my face too

Michelle (6:29:00 PM): Yeah I'll give you the honest opinion that you're fucking gross.

"The Servant"

Servant (8:38:24 PM): lol
Servant (8:38:26 PM): where u goin

Michelle (8:38:36 PM): Home to see family.
Michelle (8:38:41 PM): Just for a few days

Servant (8:38:53 PM): whats yur name
Servant (8:38:54 PM): im jim

Michelle (8:39:04 PM): I'm Michelle.

Servant (8:39:29 PM): Princess Michelle?
Servant (8:39:29 PM): lol

Michelle (8:39:41 PM): ...What?

Servant (8:39:48 PM): are u a princess?
Servant (8:39:49 PM): lol

Michelle (8:39:56 PM): No?

Servant (8:40:09 PM): can i bow to u anyway?

Michelle (8:40:14 PM): Sure.

Servant (8:40:40 PM): 'bows down at your feet
Servant (8:40:41 PM): lol
Servant (8:40:43 PM): they clean?

Michelle (8:40:46 PM): Not enough to kiss.

Servant (8:40:58 PM): how so?

Michelle (8:41:06 PM): Because I havn't been wearing shoes?

Servant (8:41:38 PM): lol
Servant (8:41:44 PM): got cute feet otherwise?

Michelle (8:42:19 PM): No.

Servant (8:42:54 PM): lol
Servant (8:43:01 PM): are u hiring a servant?

Greetings!

Salutations, and welcome to Douchelog!

As many of you know, I put myself back onto the singles market as of a week or so ago.


This is my written proof that every man on earth is fucking retarded. (No offense, mentally handicapped people. Especially those of you who are female.)